


oops

by xSilver



Series: Real hurts [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bottom Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, It hurts because it’s real, M/M, Online Dating?, Online Friends, Smut, Unrequited Love, based on my own hurt, showho, this is sad and stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 14:31:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19064572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSilver/pseuds/xSilver
Summary: I love you might not be the right words to say while you’re being pounded into by a literal stranger.Which is something Hyunwoo had to learn the hard way.





	oops

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape or form, claiming that these are their actual personalities or values. This is made for entertainment purposes out of my own boredom and imagination. I do not own any of the celebrities mentioned. If I have unintentionally breached any copyright claims, I sincerely apologise in advance. 

_Crossposted on[asianfanfic](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1404309)_

 

 

 _I’m here_ , reads the text he just received from his Fire match of seven months. And Hyunwoo is so damn nervous he doesn’t know what to do with himself as he’s about to round the corner towards the Japanese restaurant. They had both decided to meet up here when Hoseok, or Wonho as he’s known as on Instagram, got jealous over the delicious crab Hyunwoo had eaten a couple months back.

 

As Hyunwoo is rounding the corner and spots the other he can’t help but drop the gaze they’re holding while he smiles to himself. Being too nervous to keep looking at the guy in front of him, and dare he say that his Instagram and Fire account does not do his handsomeness any justice. Oh, don’t worry, Hyunwoo knew he was interested in Hoseok’s looks from the moment he saw the others’ Fire pictures, but the reality is even better.

 

Fire is almost like Tinder, almost being strictly for dating and one-night stands. And, Hyunwoo has used the app for both of those. Okay, if Hyunwoo is being honest that is the only way he’s been using the app so far. The thing with the Fire app is that it allows for less awkwardness between gay sex as the app asks you to reveal whether you’re a top, bottom or switch.

 

Hyunwoo is a big guy, standing at over 180cm with muscles to go along with it, and he absolutely hates the awkwardness of strangers asking him what he wants to do. He’s more or less shy, but especially with the topic of sex due to his choices being rather uncommon for guys with his built. You see, Hyunwoo loves the feeling of being under a man. And trust Hyunwoo when he says Hoseok is more than handsome enough for him.

 

When Hyunwoo finally catches up with Hoseok, they give each other a big hug before they walk into the restaurant. Hoseok wearing the same leather jacket as he wears in his first Fire picture, but instead of the black turtleneck in the picture he’s now wearing a simple white shirt. Working beautifully with Hoseok’s white dyed hair. A big contrast to Hyunwoo’s brown dyed hair and simple red sweatshirt.

 

“Wow, how was your flight?” is the first question Hyunwoo asks as they sit down at a table looking out at the busy Seoul streets. “Is the jetlag okay?” he continues to say while Hoseok takes of his leather jacket. Hyunwoo’s eyes not leaving the way his biceps are pushing against the tee-shirt’s arms until Hoseok looks back at him.

 

“It was way too long, but at least I don’t gotta do that for months again now” Hoseok chuckles while he smiles at the taller, both of them knowing that Hoseok will be going on an Asia trip. The next destination being Japan.

 

They both say a quick thank you to the waiter as they receive their menus. “So, what are we getting today?” Hoseok continues as he opens up the menu. Quickly skimming over the Korean and Japanese letters. Having to focus a little more than usual with his Korean as he’s been living in the United States for as long as he can remember. Especially now that he’s 25 and living on his own, not talking as much Korean as he did when he still lived with his parents.

 

“How about the crab you were salivating for all the way from New York?” Hyunwoo says jokingly. Gotten comfortable around the other many months ago.

 

“For lunch?” Hoseok replies as he raises his eyebrow. A slight smirk on his lips.

“Why not?” Hyunwoo shrugs and Hoseok agrees. Both of them agreeing on sharing a crab along with a bento box of fried pork and beef.

 

 

_Wonho: Where the heck did you get that crab?_

_NuNu: Ohhh there’s this Japanese place I like to go to. It’s mad delicious Hoseok!_

_Wonho: you go there a lot?_

_NuNu: I’ve been there like 3 times? With friends yeah_

_Wonho: from Fire?_

_NuNu: maybe_

_NuNu: yes…_

_Wonho: well bring me too then_

_NuNu: maybe I will_

_Wonho: maybe? What happened to our belated Valentines?_

_NuNu: shut up_

 

 

When the waiter comes with their food Hyunwoo can’t seem to ignore the way the guy seems to be flirting with Hoseok, and the way Hoseok seems to entertain it. He knows they haven’t talked about why they’re even meeting, and Hyunwoo really likes the fact that they’re friends, but he was kind of hoping this would be more of a date than a normal hang out.

 

“Anything else I could do for you?” the waiter says while smiling at Hyunwoo and he shakes his head in return, leading the waiter to leave with a quick bow of his head.

“Someone’s popular with the guys” Hoseok says with a smug look on his face. His eyes glinting more and more with mischief as Hyunwoo’s shocked expression shows itself.

“Me?! You’re the one he flirted with, and you even flirted back mind you!”

 

A big hearty laugh comes from Hoseok as he shakes his head. “I’m only joking with you” he continues to smile. The smile quickly fading while he ducks away from the white napkin being thrown his way.

 

Hyunwoo can’t seem to get over Hoseok’s smiles as Hoseok never smiles in his pictures. His second, third and fourth Fire picture all being rather candid if he’d say so himself. Or, how should he describe it. When Hyunwoo first saw Hoseok’s Fire pictures he thought of him as those typical Instagram famous people, with their moody pictures and inspirational captions. Especially with the way he had captioned his dating profile with: I’m a wasted youth looking to waste more time on this floating earth.

 

Hyunwoo will admit he didn’t swipe right on Hoseok due to his caption, but he will admit that he was intrigued. Even more so when he got the “It’s a match” notification right after his swipe, with a follow up question to his own Fire profile (captioned: if you can afford ice cream you can afford me): Are we talking McDonalds ice cream or the famous Italian gelato?

 

To say Hyunwoo was hooked from the get-go is definitely not to exaggerate. And he’s even more so now as they’re walking out of the restaurant, on their way to get Hoseok some bubble tea. Hyunwoo would have gotten some too, you know, if he liked it, but he’s never been a big fan of it. But if Hoseok wants bubble tea, Hyunwoo will show him all the places his friends force him to go to.

 

They’re standing in the que. Lining all the way outside of the shop when Hoseok decides to mention the good amount of Vitamin D they’re getting from the sun. The weather finally having picked up its summery vibe. Unfortunately, Hyunwoo’s brain doesn’t function properly around the other so he starts to giggle, almost straight up laughing at the other.

 

“What?” comes from Hoseok from the laugh

“Nothing, my brain just went- you know what, it doesn’t matter” Hyunwoo said as he did his best to keep eye contact.

“No, tell me?” Hoseok says as he looks back at Hyunwoo with a glint (Hyunwoo always thinks Hoseok is looking at him with this _look)_ in his eyes, while the taller tries to keep his laughs at bay.

 

 

_Wonho: aren’t you gonna send me some pics?_

_NuNu: of what?_

_Wonho: you with your blue bath bomb? Why is it on your story but not in my texts?_

_NuNu: just making you work for it_

_Wonho: cmoooon love_

_NuNu: maybe_

_Wonho: please. I cant stop thinking bout it_

_NuNu: okay_

_Hyunwoo had always had troubles with saying no to the other._

 

 

“It’s just that… you know… Vitamin D and all” Hyunwoo laughs again as it dawns upon Hoseok.

“Yah! I said Vitamin D, I didn’t say some good D” Hoseok shouts as he laughs as well. His leather jacket back on his shoulders.

“Well, you know…” Hyunwoo says, and he can’t believe how bluntly he’s flirting with the other. Okay okay, they have shared a couple of nudes with each other… and Hoseok did ask him if he’d call himself open minded, so you never know. Hyunwoo hasn’t gotten laid in forever right now (and he promises it’s not because he started to fall for the other).

 

 

_NuNu: what are we gonna do?_

_Wonho: are you open minded?_

_NuNu: Id say so?_

_Wonho: why are you replying with questions?_

_NuNu: Aren’t we both doing that?_

_Wonho: I don’t know?_

 

 

Hoseok lets out another muffled laugh before he cheekily puts his hand in the back pocket of Hyunwoo’s skinny jeans, making Hyunwoo go quiet and a light shade of red. “Aha I see” Hoseok says as he puts his head on Hyunwoo’s shoulder for a brief moment before they move up the line.

 

Trying to find something to keep his mind busy with, rather than the though of Hoseok’s hand on his ass, he exclaims: “Oh my god! We’re gonna end up being here for hours!...”

“You wanna go?”

“It’s okay, if you want bubble tea we can wait”

“Oh, it’s okay. It’s not that important.”

“No really it’s okay.”

“How about we go back to where I’m staying instead?” Hoseok says with a hint of cockiness in his voice. Followed by a little squeeze of the hand in Hyunwoo’s back pocket.

“We could maybe do that yes”

“Alright, let’s go” Hoseok says as he removes his hand from the back pocket. Not even letting Hyunwoo feel disappointed for long enough before he reaches his hand into Hyunwoo’s, linking their fingers together. And, Hyunwoo is doing everything in his power to control his now beating heart.

 

 

Hyunwoo follows Hoseok into his little Airbnb for the week he’s here. It’s a really small studio flat, but surprisingly nice. The kitchen being the first thing that meets you as you open up the door. It has a couple of drawers underneath the little bench, and a little fridge and freezer to go along with it. As they walk into the room you can see the big double bed in the middle of the room. It’s not the big ones with headrests on them, but with metal bars at the top instead. At the edge of the bed there’s a little table and a chair followed by the door Hyunwoo assumes leads to the bathroom.

 

“It’s pretty nice” Hyunwoo says, and he means it. It might be small, but who expects a big ass flat in the middle of Seoul? Especially when you’re only renting for a little while on a smaller budget. Honestly though, the flat is nice. It’s all white and clean surfaces making the room look bigger than it actually is. The windows being covered by dark blue curtains to keep the heat of the sun outside.

 

“Yeah, I’m pretty happy with this” Hoseok explains. “It’s big enough for me while I’m here as I don’t spend a lot of time here either way. I’m not in Seoul too often so when I am there’s a lot of friends to catch up with.” He continues, but Hyunwoo can’t help but feel a little jealous of these friends. Wishing he could spend more time with the other before he probably disappears forever.

 

“So how many people did you go home with after eating crab huh?” Hoseok asks as they both sit down on the edge of the bed. His arm tattoo finally showing again as his leather jacket, yet again, left his shoulders.

 

“Just you”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah" Hyunwoo replies and the room goes silent. The awkwardness Hyunwoo is feeling inside can be seen with the way he moves his gaze around the room. Not knowing where to rest it. His hands being no better as he puts them silently in his lap. It’s not that Hyunwoo is unknown about sex, quite the opposite actually, he loves it... when it first starts. He’s awfully bad with the first steps, and he feeds off of the person he’s with. Whatever energy the other gives off is how Hyunwoo will feel as well.

 

One time, he was with a friend of his, Kihyun, and he kept asking Hyunwoo questions like “Should we just do it now?” “Where do you want to lie?” “Should I put on some music?” while they were awkwardly standing in Kihyun’s room. He does appreciate the questions and reassurance, but when he feels the other being unsure, Hyunwoo begins to feel unsure as well. Hyunwoo needs someone to just grab him and kiss him like it’s the only thing they want to do, because that’s the quickest way for Hyunwoo to get more confident as well. That this is something they both really want.

 

He meets the letters of Hoseok’s tattoo. A line of text along the underside of his arm. Written in Korean, but it’s old and faded so he can’t seem to make out the letters on his own. That’s when he remembers a promise Hoseok made some months back.

 

 

_NuNu: tell me about your tattoo_

_Wonho: its really embarrassing_

_NuNu: cmon Ill say something too_

_Wonho: you first then_

_NuNu: sure?_

_Wonho: promise_

_NuNu: okay so I was on this boat trip with my friend in eight grade… like it was really nice. But on the way back we were eating at this hot dog place, and like I got one of those ketchup packages. You know those square ones? but I guess I didn’t open it properly cause uhm, I managed to get ketchup over the whole place_

_NuNu: and it got on this old lady who started yelling at me in front of everyone_

_NuNu: I was dying right there_

_NuNu: now you_

_Wonho: I’ll tell you when we meet_

_NuNu: no fuck you man what happened to promises?_

_Wonho: I promise, when we meet_

 

 

“Am I finally gonna learn your embarrassing tattoo story?” Hyunwoo says as he looks at the other again, but the gaze doesn’t last long as he thinks back on the obvious flirting earlier today.

“You really wanna hear that don’t you?”

“I do”

 

“Aish, I just had no idea what my tattoo actually said.” Hoseok begins as he leans back on his elbows on the bed, seemingly not wanting to reveal anything more. Nevertheless, Hyunwoo follows him with his eyes, prompting him to keep going. “I was 15, and for some weird reason my mum let me have a tattoo. I was just dumb enough to just look at the artists previous tattoos with text on it. And I dumbly chose this Korean text before I even learned to speak Korean. Another reason why I’m a little rusty at it.” Hoseok sighs.

 

“What did you get?” Hyunwoo pushes on and another sigh leaves Hoseok’s lips before he replies, “yellow parasol…” and Hyunwoo can’t help but laugh out as he tries to keep it in.

“It’s not that bad!” but his attempt at making Hoseok feel better is ignored as he can’t stop laughing.

“Yah shut up!” Hoseok shouts out before he starts laughing too. “I think I’m gonna get it removed to be honest” he continues.

“You should just tattoo a little yellow umbrella under it. You know, all or nothing” Hyunwoo laughs on.

“hmm, maybe I should?” Hoseok replies before it goes quiet again. Hyunwoo yet again being unable to look the other in the eyes. He’s forced to though as Hoseok brings up the topic of his previous Fire matches, again. “Now, back to your guys yeah?” He says, and Hyunwoo can feel the mood instantly change.

“What about them?” Hyunwoo replies as Hoseok sits himself up again. Putting his hand at the nape of Hyunwoo’s neck to lead him forwards into their first kiss.

 

Is Hyunwoo allowed to say it makes butterfly appear in his stomach? Regardless of the fact that he’s been nervous and happy throughout the whole day since their little lunch date. Hyunwoo feels his lips fit perfectly with Hoseok’s as the shorter leads the kiss. As soon as the confidence Hyunwoo needed to see is shown, he pushes his lips harder on the other. Leaning his whole body towards Hoseok as he lifts his leg over his lap, straddling him while he lets Hoseok lean back on the mattress.

 

They kiss harshly but firmly an- oh! Hyunwoo’s eyes open. That’s new. Hyunwoo feels his tongue being sucked into Hoseok’s mouth instead of a tongue being pushed into his own. A slight pain is felt in his tongue, but he can’t get himself to care about it as there’s no secret to his friends that he likes it a little rough. How Hoseok already knows that, he’s not sure of.

 

“Can I just say something?” Hoseok gets out as he breaks the kiss. Hyunwoo trying to follow after as he hums out a “mhmm”

“When I first saw you, I couldn’t believe you bottomed” Hoseok says with a shake of his head as he rubs circles at Hyunwoo’s waist, slowly moving to the other’s bottom giving it a squeeze before his hands go back up to his waist. His hair falling back on the mattress as Hyunwoo straddles his waist.

 

“Oh… I’m-I’m sorry” Hyunwoo says as he starts to get up from his position. Feeling himself getting disappointed at the whole situation, but even more annoyed with himself for getti-

“Owf!” Hyunwoo exclaims as Hoseok pulls him back down by his right hand. Rolling the both of them over so Hoseok is on top. Settled down in between Hyunwoo’s legs.

“No, not like that. This is way more satisfying.” Hoseok breathes out while he smirks down at the taller. “Having you under me? Making you beg for mor-“

“I’m not begging…”

“-Oh, I see it in your eyes. But don’t worry. You will be begging in a little while” Hoseok continues before he leans down for another make out session.

 

This time the kiss doesn’t last too long as Hoseok moves towards the expanse of his neck. Licking at his Adams apple, and biting lightly as he goes further down towards his chest. Hyunwoo’s own hands having found their place in Hoseok’s surprisingly soft hair. On top of him, Hoseok is bringing his hands up underneath his shirt.

 

“Let’s get this sweater of you yeah?” Hoseok says, as Hyunwoo sits up slowly to throw it off. Hoseok following suit with his own tee-shirt, before he helps Hyunwoo with his own skinny jeans. “Wow Hyunwoo” Hoseok says as he leans down to give each of his pecks a little peck. His attention soon focusing on Hyunwoo’s right nipple as he massages the left one. “You’re so beautiful, aren’t you?” Hoseok breathes out as he brings his head closer to Hyunwoo’s again.

 

“Please don’t say that” Hyunwoo breathes out while he lets his hands grab Hoseok’s hair again. Brining him in for another kiss, or five, before Hoseok goes back down his body again.

“Why?” but Hyunwoo ignores the question.

 

Hoseok’s attention is now right above where he needs him the most, and as Hyunwoo brings his hands down to his own pants, Hoseok stops him.

 

“Keep your hands at the headboard” Hoseok breathes out as he unbuttons his pants and drags it down along with his underwear. Hyunwoo’s breath is heavy as he looks down as the shorter undresses him. As soon as his underwear is of him Hoseok brings his lips to Hyunwoo’s hard cock. It’s standing erect and proud, more on the longer side than the girthier side.

 

Hoseok wraps his lips around the head of Hyunwoo’s cock while he brings his left arm up towards Hyunwoo’s face. His fingers finding their way into Hyunwoo’s mouth. Quickly getting the hint Hyunwoo starts to lick and suck at the fingers. He’s also rather thankful for them so he can keep himself quiet. Letting a quick thought go of to the people who may or may not be in the room on the other side.

 

While Hoseok bobs his head up and down, he deems his fingers wet enough and brings them back down to Hyunwoo’s entrance. Slowly playing with the puckered rim with his pointer finger, making Hyunwoo shudder at the feeling. Hoseok moves his lips of Hyunwoo’s cock and brings his face further down towards his hole, but he quickly stops as Hyunwoo tenses up.

 

“You don’t have to do that” Hyunwoo breathes out, his hand going towards Hoseok. His hair sticking to his sweaty forehead, his lips full of a beautiful glistening from the sucking of Hoseok’s finger.

 

“Why?” Hoseok asks for the second time, his own lips just as glistening, if not more after his previous ministrations on Hyunwoo’s cock. Still, playfully circling his pointer finger at Hyunwoo’s entrance. Making it harder for Hyunwoo to get his point across.

 

“I know it’s kinda dirty… I don’t expect you to want to do that”

“Hyunwoo?”

“Yeah”

“Has no one ever gone down on you here?” Hoseok asks with pure curiosity as he emphasis the word _here_ by pushing his pointer finger a little into the entrance. Resulting in a shake of the head from Hyunwoo as he wriggles his legs a little further apart at the intrusion.

 

“Well, let me” Hoseok says as a matter of fact before he licks in a big stripe above his puckering hole, making it pucker even more.

 

Hoseok continues to lick as far in as he can while pushing in the two fingers Hyunwoo had previously been sucking on. Getting of on the sounds Hyunwoo is making above him. The little gasps and _oh’s_ and _ah’s_ making it all so much better for Hoseok as well. Getting up on his knees again he leans over Hyunwoo’s face, his left hands fingers still working at Hyunwoo’s entrance. “Hi” Hoseok says, and Hyunwoo can’t help but let out a hearty laugh as he says a hi back.

 

Hoseok leans in for another kiss as he continues to move his fingers inside of Hyunwoo. Sucking on the taller guy’s tongue hard enough for the other to not know how to bring it back into his own mouth. Living off of the little moans coming out of Hyunwoo’s mouth.

 

“You wanna suck me of for a bit?” Hoseok asks as he brings his left hand out Hyunwoo’s entrance, bringing it back up into Hyunwoo’s mouth, and oh my god. Hyunwoo doesn’t really know if he likes the thought of sucking on his own fingers that’s now been inside of him, but he can’t get himself to stop looking the other in the eyes as he nods his head. For some reason, totally smitten by the other. He has always struggled with saying no to the shorter.

 

Hyunwoo gets up from the mattress to get his head near Hoseok’s cock. Slowly getting Hoseok’s pants of his legs. And they both laugh a little at the difficulty of it. The laugh quickly stops though as Hyunwoo sees the tent in Hoseok’s underwear. Hyunwoo licks his lips before he looks up at Hoseok again. His back resting against the harsh metal bars of the head board.

 

“You like it that much already huh?” and Hyunwoo nods. “You haven’t even properly seen it yet” Hoseok smirks as he nods towards his cock, getting Hyunwoo to remove his underwear and his cock to spring up towards his stomach. Hoseok is shorter than Hyunwoo, but his girth is wider. Hyunwoo can’t help it but imagine the feeling of it inside of him. Lining up against his walls as it pushes in and out.

 

Hyunwoo brings his mouth to the head of Hoseok’s cock, bringing it into his mouth before he slowly brings himself further down. Already having made up his mind that he’ll fit the whole length into his mouth. He can feel the head pushing at his throat, bringing his head up a couple of times before he goes further down again. Forcing himself to ignore his gag reflex as he feels Hoseok’s pubic hair at his nose. That’s when Hyunwoo really goes for it, pushing his head up and down with the small movements he can feel Hoseok is making.

 

“Bring your mouth to my balls too yeah?” Hoseok nods his head as he drags Hyunwoo by the hair of off his cock and down to his balls. Hyunwoo continues to lick and suck at Hoseok’s balls as he keeps a steady pace on Hoseok’s cock with his hand.

 

“Fuck yeah baby” Hoseok breathes out. Making Hyunwoo work even harder at his cock and balls. “You’re so good at that fuck!” he gets out again. Setting himself up quickly before he brings Hyunwoo’s head up towards himself again. Kissing the taller harshly as he rolls them over, again setting himself on top. “You ready?” and Hyunwoo nods as Hoseok leans over his bedside table. Quickly grabbing a condom and rolling it on himself. Slowly pushing himself into Hyunwoo while he kisses him in an attempt to distract the other.

 

“You okay?” Hoseok whispers in his ear, leaning his elbows on either side of Hyunwoo’s head. Hyunwoo only being able to nod his head as he leans his head up towards the headboard, breathing deeply though his mouth before it’s yet again occupied by Hoseok’s. It’s so incredible. The pace isn’t very quick, but the thrusts are so deep it feels like he’ll never forget this. And, when Hyunwoo looks into Hoseok’s eyes he can’t help but see the glint he always notices with the other. It might be Hyunwoo’s mind playing with him, but it always feels like Hoseok has this look of mischief and cheekiness. But yes, it could very likely be Hyunwoo’s mind thinking naughty of all the things he says or does. It’s almost as i-

 

“ah shit!” Hyunwoo gasps out as Hoseok pushes his thumbs against his throat. His elbows on either side of his shoulders, with his arms leaning over to push down on his neck. How in the world Hoseok knows about these things without even asking is beyond him, but he can tell the other is a little unsure so Hyunwoo makes sure to nod his head as he moans out louder than ever. A simple “it’s okay” added for extra measures.

 

Hoseok pulls out of Hyunwoo, leading the taller to look up in confusion. All Hoseok can do is chuckle as he tells the other to turn around. “Lie down on your stomach for me, will you?” He asks as Hyunwoo turns around.

 

The thrusts are even deeper like this. The way Hoseok keeps a hold around his throat still only adds up to the roughness of it, regardless of the slower pace. “You’re so beautiful” comes from Hoseok yet again and Hyunwoo can feel himself soaking it up. Rather than reminding the shorter to stop calling him that Hyunwoo is just enjoying the compliment while Hoseok hits all his right spots. A _please_ comes out of his lips, but he doesn’t really know what he’s saying it for.

 

As they continue on, Hyunwoo keeps turning his head around looking for the other’s lips. Luckily for him, Hoseok gladly kisses him. It might be sounding a little bit weird, but one of Hyunwoo’s favourite things to do during sex is to kiss. Give it to him rough and hard, but also give him kisses.

 

“I’m gonna cum, okay?” Hoseok grunts out as his hips picks up the speed, making Hyunwoo moan out while he nods his head vigorously. The pace is quicker than earlier and Hyunwoo can feel himself getting closer too, moving his arm underneath his body to touch himself, but his hand is quickly patted away by Hoseok. “Let me” he breathes into Hyunwoo’s ear as he starts pumping the taller of the two’s cock.

 

“Fuck Hoseok, keep going” Hyunwoo gets out right before he cums over the bed sheets. Hyunwoo can’t get himself to feel bad for Hoseok having to sleep on top of this tonight, especially when he feels Hoseok pull out of his entrance and coming on his back. Assuming the other must’ve thrown the condom on the floor somewhere.

 

Hoseok leans over Hyunwoo’s body, breathing into his ears as he moves Hyunwoo’s head to give him a quick peck on the lips before he gets up and runs to the bathroom. Hyunwoo lifts his body to look after him, but a quick “lie still” makes Hyunwoo freeze in his tracks. A smile leaving his lips as he sees Hoseok come back with a bunch of toilet paper to clean up the mess on his back, as well as the bed sheets (or at least, cleaning it to the best of their abilities).

 

They both get dressed again in a comfortable silence. Hyunwoo is already aware of Hoseok’s plans of having dinner with his mates tonight, so he doesn’t expect to be staying for long. Neither did he expect Hoseok to ask him if he wanted to join him out to _a cafe or something_ while they both wait for Hoseok’s dinner plans.

 

Getting back to central is easy. They only go on one little tube ride before they walk to a little cafe. Hoseok orders his favourite coffee while Hyunwoo gets a smoothie. They did contemplate getting a cake, but to be honest, none of them were that impressed by the cafe’s selection.

 

“I’ve actually always wanted to move here” Hoseok says after taking a sip from his coffee. His looks going to the high buildings surrounding them.

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm, I always imagined this to be a good place. Going back to your roots and really explore yourself from within. You know, we never really stop exploring. Even when we get older there will always be new things for us to find out about ourselves. We’re all very complicated.” Hoseok says, and this is one of the reasons Hyunwoo is so impressed by Hoseok. Regardless of the other’s _jockish_ looks, the other is so mature and deep compared to the other guys he’s met. Hyunwoo has never really met another guy willing to open up in the way he himself does. It feels very refreshing for Hyunwoo to know that he won’t get judged by the other whenever he feels like spilling something that’s been lying deep into his mind.

 

“I agree. It’s exciting, but scary at the same time to realise we might not even know ourselves properly.”

“Isn’t everything that though? Everything is exciting but scary, but we can’t stop doing what we want to regardless of it.” Hoseok replies back

 

~

 

On his way back home, Hyunwoo is all smiles. They both said goodbye at the tube station with promises of meeting the day after. To meet up one more time before the other gets on his plane to Osaka two days later.

 

~

 

 

Hyunwoo wakes up the next day at home with a big smile on his face. It’s a weird feeling isn’t it? To meet up with someone you’ve only talked to online, and to then hit it off as well in real life as online. Hyunwoo at least believes it’s a weird feeling. Unlike any other he’s felt before, and he can’t wait to meet up with the other today as well… before he leaves…

 

 

_Hoseok: I have some time between 3pm and 7pm before I go for dinner with my friends today_

_Hoseok: I’m really sorry it’s not a lot of time :(_

_NuNu: It’s okay, we can have fun_

So, Hyunwoo now finds himself outside of the apartment complex Hoseok is staying at. A big smile comes across Hyunwoo’s lips as he waves his hand when he sees Hoseok coming to let him in, and wow does he look amazing today as well. Way more laid back than yesterday. His hair lying flat on his head this time. Wearing his simple and black tee-shirt and grey sweatpants. Hyunwoo suddenly feeling overdressed in his tight black skinny jeans, tight white tee-shirt and blue coat, but he can’t help his wish to impress the other.

 

“Hi” they greet each other along with a hug as Hyunwoo follows after Hoseok back into his apartment. For some reason Hyunwoo feels more nervous today, even though he’s already been here once. But, maybe that’s the reason. Hyunwoo has never met up with the same person twice after having had sex. He’s never felt the need to, nor has he wanted to. Always using the excuse of “I don’t have sex with the same person twice unless I like them” but Hyunwoo is guessing Hoseok is an exception to that. Just like he is with everything else in Hyunwoo’s mind.

 

“Come sit down, I want to show you something.” Hoseok says as he sits down on the bed, searching for something on his phone. “I remember you said you wanted to go to London sometime soon right?” and Hyunwoo nods. “Well, I’m not sure if I told you but here. This is a video I took while I was in London” Hoseok finished while giving his phone to Hyunwoo.

 

The video is really nice, don’t get Hyunwoo wrong, but now that the video is over it’s a little awkward again. And Hyunwoo can only blame his own nerves. He wouldn’t have been this awkward if they met up outside of the other’s apartment, but now that he’s here… on his bed, he can’t help bu-

 

“You wanted to have fun, right?” Hoseok asks him with a smirk on his face

“I- uhm, well…. You know... We do-“

“Shhh, don’t worry” Hoseok says as he grabs Hyunwoo by the neck, just like yesterday before he kisses him.

 

And before he knows it, they’re both naked and connected in the same way as yesterday. It’s still as nice as it was the day before and Hyunwoo wishes the other didn’t have to go to Japan so soon. Hyunwoo brings his arms around the others waist grabbing onto his back. Wanting to be as close as he can to the other before his heart is going to break. Kisses are exchanged between them and as Hoseok says he’s about to cum, Hyunwoo’s whole world freezes.

 

“You what?” Hoseok says as he brings himself up on his arms rather than his elbows as he looks down at Hyunwoo. His thrusts having fully stopped. And a sane person might have tried to play it off, but Hyunwoo’s brain is not working properly now with the way Hoseok is looking at him, and the way his cock is pushing at his walls. So, he does the only thing he seems to be able to do, he repeats himself…

 

“I… love? you?” Hyunwoo says sheepishly as he shrugs his shoulders. His awkward smile faltering as he sees the other’s eyes widen even more at the confirmation.

 

Hyunwoo drops their gaze by looking down, but then his eyes see where they’re connected, and he opts for looking to his side instead. Suddenly finding the other’s mini kitchen more interesting, and Hoseok sees it, but he can’t help his own panic rising.

 

Hoseok slowly pulls out of the taller as he starts walking back and forth, running his right hand through his hair. His eyes looking around the room for his discarded clothes as he starts to get dressed. And in the corner of his eyes he can see Hyunwoo awkwardly following suit.

 

A small “I’m sorry” makes it out of Hyunwoo’s lips as he drags on his way too skinny jeans again. “I didn’t mean to. Please don’t be mad” Hyunwoo continues as he looks down at his lap. The taller of the two keeps his gaze cast down as Hoseok stops walking.

 

“I’m not mad” he heaves out. “I’m just… what? How? Heck, why?” he continues in disbelief.

“I don’t know…”

“Okay, you’re great Hyunwoo” Hoseok begins as he sits down beside him. “and you’re so beautiful”

“Don’t call me that”

“Why? Because you love me?” Hoseok says, forgetting to think before he speaks. This whole situation having confused him beyond belief.

“Yes! No! Not because I love you, but because I like you… And you calling me beautiful isn’t really helping me… I think we both saw what happened when I got overwhelmed…” Hyunwoo said, halfway jokingly. Laughing at his own misery.

“Look... Hyunwoo, I’m flattered. Because – don’t stop me – but you are beautiful, but you know I don’t want a relationship right now.” Hoseok continues.

 

 

_Wonho: What about you? Tell me about your previous boyfriends_

_NuNu: Actually… I’ve never had a boyfriend_

_Wonho: Could I ask why?_

_NuNu: I don’t know to be honest. I guess timing has always been an issue. When I’ve liked someone they haven’t liked me back, and when someone’s liked me I haven’t liked them back._

_Wonho: That’s okay. It’ll happen when it does. You’re still young, and relationships makes things very complicated. Especially right now where we’re so young, and after hearing about all of your plans and ambitions… just know that if you get a boyfriend, you’re not going to be the main priority anymore. So don’t jeopardise your own dreams for a relationship_

_NuNu: I know you’re right, even though I’m madly lovesick at times… but that makes me very curious about your ex’s though_

_Wonho: My ex’s have all played a big role in my life, I’m not the type of person to completely disregard the people who aren’t in my life anymore, but like I said… When you get into a relationship your own dreams can often be put on pause as you obviously want the relationship to work. It just took me some time to realise that your own happiness shouldn’t rely on someone else. I should be able to be happy even when I’m single. And right now, I need to focus on me and my own plans, so a relationship isn’t really what I need right now. I have a lot of things, not necessarily struggles, but… I just need to figure this out for myself and more about myself._

_~~NuNu: What did someone do to you for you to not want love?~~ _

 

 

“I know” Hyunwoo replies him. “It’s not like I even want us to be together right now. I would just at least like the chance for it to happen.”

“I’m sorry Hyunwoo, I really can’t do this right now” Hoseok says. His eyes filled with sadness as he looks at the now fully dressed Hyunwoo. “I think you should go.”

“I- okay… I understand” Hyunwoo says. His big puppy eyes looking right into Hoseok’s soul and it breaks his heart. The taller of the two walks towards the door, right about to walk out before Hoseok shouts out a _Wait!_

“hm?” and Hoseok’s heart breaks even more at the hopefulness in Hyunwoo’s eyes. The longer he looks at him the dumber he feel for what he said.

“Come here first” Hoseok says as he stretches his arms out for the other.

 

A long hug is exchanged between the two and Hoseok can’t do anything other than say “I’m sorry” over and over again. When Hoseok pulls away from the hug, he follows the other to the door again. Giving him an awkward wave as he says goodbye.

 

~

 

Hyunwoo is on his way up to his shared apartment with his best friend. He’s feeling completely drained and it doesn’t help that he felt like crying on the tube all the way from Hoseok’s place. He has to laugh at his own stupid self, he must’ve looked so dumb with his sunglasses on while he was in the underground. He couldn’t help it though. He really didn’t want anyone else to see how he looked like right now. And snapping his flatmate about it didn’t help.

 

He knocks on the door at home as he forgot his own keys, and when his flatmate Minhyuk opens the door he gives him a worried smile.

 

“Are you okay?” Minhyuk asks, and Hyunwoo thought he’d been brave on the way home. But as soon as those words leaves his friend’s lips, he feels himself let out a sob. He just goes to his friend and puts his head on his chest while he lets it all out. His hands find his own face as he tries to save some of his face from more embarrassment, but the heaving sobs that comes out of his body is hard to hide. His back is at an uncomfortable angle, but he just needs Minhyuk to hug him right now. Which he does.

 

That night Hyunwoo goes to bed feeling empty and exhausted. He’s never cried over a guy in the way he did for Hoseok. It’s stupid, it’s dumb. They barely know each other, but Hyunwoo can’t help but feel attached to the other in some way. It’s his first time feeling anything that can be related to feelings of love, and that’s exactly why it hurts so much. That’s exactly why he’s mad at himself. He should never have done it, and now he’s the reason for having ruined it.

 

That’s the thing, he’s more mad at himself than Hoseok. Hyunwoo already knew the shorter didn’t want a relationship, but he still felt like he had a chance. Of course he’s sad, he’s never experienced this kind of heartbrokenness before, but mixed with anger directed at himself? He’s feeling miserable. And the text he wakes up to two days later, after not having talked to the other at all, hurts him even more:

 

 

_Wonho: I just want you to know that I really appreciated your company, and I’m very happy that we met up. I know you have a lot of dreams that you want to reach, and I wish you all the luck I can give._

_Remember what I said about not getting into a relationship? Well I thought about it over and over again, and I’m not saying yes, but I’m not saying no either. I just know that what you need right now is a genuine and intimate connection, and I’m sorry, but I can’t give you that right now. Please never give up on your dreams for the heck of finding love._

_Don’t be in love just to be in love, even though I know you really wish for it. But Hyunwoo love, be patient._

_I hope I get to see you again._

 

 

_~_

 

 _**A/N:** _ _Writing this was very hard for me. I cried and it hurt a lot and it took me a long time to finish and get right?_

_Because I might (more or less) still be a bit infatuated with my own online friend I just met a couple of months ago… so I guess this is sort of based on my own meeting with him for my own coping?_

_I'm leaving this as a oneshot for now..._

_Please take care of yourselves and be careful with your feelings, because it hurts a lot when it’s given too quick from one side_

_Thank you for reading through my mess of a love life_

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this is also me trying to tell you all... that it’s harder to know if you’re on the same wave length with someone you’ve only talked to online, and then when you meet you get physical real quick. 
> 
> It happened to me, and it hurt me like a lot, so be careful out there <33


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